The only way through

If I knew where/why/how/when I wouldn’t be venting out here on my diary. I’m Tara,a single mother and paranoid schizophrenic.
I want you to admit that this world is a hell for women.
I somehow got justice but does it change anything?
Also, since I’m on a heavy medicinal dose, the timeline looks distorted.


28th September 2005
Thursday

Things went downhill so quickly. We were blessed with a little girl yesterday.
One thing led to another and we had a serious spat. My girl and husband have been missing ever since.

29th December 2005
Friday

He didn’t want a girl. The argument shouldn’t have gone so far to leave me crying all alone. But I’m not surprised that I haven’t shed a tear for him. I’ve my baby to cope with the days. I’ll move out with her down South and find some work.

30th December 2007
Tuesday

The police couldn’t find anything and later dumped the matter as expected. I’m peacefully settled down here in Bridgeport working as a newspaper editor. The job is good though my colleagues say I’ve been behaving a little odd lately as if I’m constantly talking to some imaginary voices.

2 July 2010
Thursday

I was lying like a dead on the couch when suddenly the maid woke me up handing me my breakfast. She cleaned up the mess and urged me to take bath. My eyes were sore because of a bad headache. I couldn’t gather where I was. I heard telephones ringing and that someone beside my bed was snoring and muttering to herself in her sleep. And I couldn’t remember anything.

3 July 2010
Friday

It was a mental asylum. After breakfast, I was taken to a meeting. Dr. Williams, the psychiatrist seemed very kind. He ran through his usual routines but I was busy searching for my daughter. “Where is she, Doc?”, I felt spaced out. I didn’t remember anything.

10 July 2010
Friday

The doctor finally agreed on spilling the truth. I barged in and literally started begging for an answer and I was shocked to hear it. My daughter was a mere imagination. I couldn’t believe that all these days were hallucinations of my made up world. This broke me completely.

16 September 2010
Monday

The medications have been very strong. Last night I had a dream where I was strangling someone’s face with a plastic sheet. After a trippy combat, the man was lying dead and I froze to wake up crying. I couldn’t picture the man but it felt I knew that face.

18 September 2010
Wednesday

I saw the dream again. The nurses gripped me tightly as I was flapping my arms like crazy. They had never seen me so enraged. They insisted me to narrate the dream but I refused. I was growing certain that my faded memory was slowly getting back.

26th November 2010
Thursday

Tonight as I write this down, my hands have started to feel the exact pain of choking someone to death.
It was me who brought that man to death just like he had choked her to sleep. I chased those dreams every night to finally figure the missing piece out.
It was an infanticide of misogyny. This diary is soaked with tears. I’ll drop the pen now.

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An effort to sue up your mind with a diary. It’s a story in which I don’t have much exposure as such. Just tried summing up the characters to a closure, that’s it.

Anyway, have a look.

Thank you.